4.26.28

The Winning and Losing Battle

I have a lot of fun skating the cracked, salt covered rock ridden streets of ‘hick-ville’ central. The locals are weird, some just glare as you shred past, (as if they’ve never seen a skater before) others say hello and others just laugh. There are lots of other skaters here, but that doesn’t make any difference; most skate for the wrong reasons.

One time I was skating a curb in some residential hood. Before I know it what do ya know along comes "Jed Clampit" and his truck fulla homies! I drop off one curb and head towards another only to wipe her real good. So what I was havin fun right? They thought it was pretty funny, but I didn' care.

Later [alone] I walk the insult ridden halls of trial, my shins ache with the impact of endless trick attempts and my ankles cry painfully with every step. I skated full across town just to get here. "WHY?" Because it’s important and I need an education so I can someday after more tireless education get a job and live my life. "Skater" Someone mutters. "Loser" another comments. Ya so what’s that supposed to mean? I’ve got but one real friend here, all the others reside somewhere else. Fortunate enough not to have to return to the drudgery of the institution, day after day. Or at least with loved ones, together in the madness. In class the hypocrites across the room question: "So can you do a kick flip?" "Nope!" I answer, "Can you?" Not if your life depended on it I think. Not that you’d want to. The instructor begins the lesson. There’s a joke! I don’t learn anything it’s but a waste of time.

My greater days consist of those riding the slopes, futilely attempting to skate the 1/2 pipe, sailing off into the endless horizon or talking with real friends. Far away from the rest of the world. That world of madness, brutality and nonsense. I’ve been thinking about leaving it all. About learning the important things on my own. Taking a leap into sights unseen. Spending time with the true ones I love! Doing the things I love most and talking to God. But with the help of a friend I realize that all of that is possible here. Here in the drug possessed, alcohol consumed darkness, amongst the stoners and drunks. Why not stay and try and make a difference. It might be a loosing battle, but one can’t say I didn’t try. And if I can effect one person, just one person and make their life shine, it will be worth it! So what if I have to put up with never-ending insults, have to listen to the cruel and un-kind ways ‘friends’ greet each other, have to put up with the stupidity of countless fools. Soon I’ll get away from it all and can spend that sooner desired time with true-friends. Their love will get me through and the support of something higher will help me with the tests. And those tests are sent down by that higher something.  I’ll learn from them all, and greater, even more challenging things in life I will encounter! Until then I must stay strong. I have not fallen upon this place and it’s events for no reason. I am needed here! I know not why, but I am!

***

Here is one leaf reserved for me,

From all thy sweet memorials free;

And here my simple song might tell

The feelings thou must guess so well.

But could I thus, within thy mind,

One little vacant corner find,

Where no impression yet is seen,

Where no memorial yet has been,

O, it should be my sweetest care

To write my name forever there! -T. Moore-

-Nic