5.3.98

Time, Drugs and Skating

I remember when every kid I knew would ride their skateboards when it was sunny. I remember when it was fun not status. I remember when kids filmed their friends to watch together later. I remember when kids would look at your face before your shoes. I remember spending three days build a solid box. I remember when my support system felt stronger than myself.

We weren't straight edge. We didn't profess some moral agenda. We just had better things to do and took the time to pick each other from the pavement. Then we found out time could be spent in different ways. Soon I would pack my time. I would smoke my time. I would place my time on the tip of my tongue and let it dissolve slowly. I would put my time on a hot coal and inhale it through a straw. I took awhile to see that I didn't have much time left to give away. I still skated but it had become somewhat of an independent act.

I managed to stick my feet back on the ground and even started to feel Ian McKaye's angry reaction. I thought it was somehow better to alienate myself by not using drugs than to do the same thing high. The kids I used to ride with started to make using a lifestyle and my abstinence put another wall between us. I thought that I was being strong and independent -- "nothing can be changed except yourself". Now I know. Now I remember.

I put drugs back where they belong. I don't write "X"s on my wrists and I don't forget what happened yesterday. Instead I focus on the things I do every day and who is around me. My time is mine and my time is never wasted by a lifestyle choice. I pick kids up when they fall and look them in the eyes. I don't react to their hypocrisy because I know how close to the surface mine is. My friends still don't ride much and I can't say that it's all good and I smile all the time, but I like where I am and like those around me for what they are. I haven't found much insight into why we are here but I know why I am and maybe that can can give someone a kick in the direction they want to ride.....mAT